Amazing Painting Generated by light

Painting with Light

Enhancing natural landscapes with "super"-natural light

This article is not about "painter of light" Thomas Kinkade, but rather less-established and extremely talented photographers, who use dynamic electric light patterns to enhance the nature's given landscapes, or our bleak industrial environments. In every case something luminous and strangely mesmerizing is brought "to light", transforming the photograph into an entirely different experience, and making our hearts beat faster.




It all started with Eric Staller

Eric Staller is a sculptor more known for the permanent artwork in public places, but also for his experimentation with light. His light drawings and sculptures date as far back as the late 70s (definitely in-line with the disco-era sensibilities). He was perhaps the first photographer to paint light into live urban environment:











Some of these New York light-scapes still look like perfect examples of the technique. Simply glorious, after all these years.


No Lens, Only Intricate Light

Alan Jaras (aka "Reciprocity") captures surreal refraction patterns of light, passing through molded plastic. Amazingly, these photos are made the "natural way", without the use of a camera lens, or retouching by Photoshop. His flickr photostream is one of the most interesting and adventurous on the web.


"Spicules of Light" by Alan Jaras

Light Among the Ruins

Abandoned & ghastly places achieve a new license to life with these urban light explorations. The nameless artists responsible for these "graffitis of light" perhaps live somewhere nearby and make it their creative statement to turn ugly venues into canvases of "cleansing" light.

Some other examples of "painting with light":


(image credit: Sashnone)




(image credit: Kurbaga)


(original unknown)


Mystery and Melancholy of a Street

One word: "heavenly". This is how you can describe the apparitions created by group LICHTFAKTOR. We already wrote about their previous works, but it seems that angels of creativity continue to bestow their visitations upon this enlightened urban clan. They go into the night and return with transcendental glowing creations... like these:














(image credit: LICHTFAKTOR)


Spiritual Glow

Dean Chamberlain takes the inherent glow that all mysterious worship places evoke in our heart, and brings it to the screen - his temple & palace interiors are uplifting and mystifying at the same time:

Do you like seaside? Now you do.

It's impossible not to fall in love with the sea and the coast when seeing photography of Toby Keller, aka BurnBlue. His light painting technique is often subtle, and it's hard to tell where the natural light ends and the "super"-natural light begins. Waves provide the long-exposure soft glow, and deep blue ghost-like apparitions seem to lure us, mere mortals, into their marvelous portals, and into an infinite light. (you have to excuse my purple prose, these photos are simply too magical).

















And yet, no matter how skillful you are as a painter, natural light is still the winner. Here is very evocative shot of moonlight at sea:



and a riot of colors during sunset:

Funny Sms

Funny Sms

When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!

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When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....

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Fill in the blank...I"m ur .....friend- a)-Cute b)-Sweet c)-Loving d)-Boy/Girl e)-Best of all Reply is a must... "

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Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE- C-Come,O-On,L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each,G-Girl,E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....

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Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I don"t have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid.... "

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If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...

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what happend 2 ur mobile? i was trying 2 call u but i got this msg: welcome 2 D jungle network,D monkey u r tring 2 call is on tree plz try later.

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First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering

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Last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky...then i thought where the fuck is my roof

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Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food

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I'm a killer, i kill people for money, but you are my friendI KILL YOU FOR FREE !!

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The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

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i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

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girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!

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MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

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This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

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><(((:> I send dis fish as a sign of friendship Plz take care of it & keep it in mobile & daily put ur mobile in water so tat fish wont DIE:-)

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At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

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Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom

One day Raja and rani decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile. The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message. He angried and called to rani.She told stupid "This was a missed call" By Zunera

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terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.

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Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS 'CHILD' or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!

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A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS

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Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving,Husband:please slow down the speed of car.Wife:No ;please. No; please NopleaseNopls..Husband:the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of axident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh...

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins

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girl friends are like mobile phone, whenever you want happiness just check inbox, whenever u want to cry check out box, and whenever u want to enjoyment just plug in your charger and enjoy

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Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!WIFE satys No, it means -With Idiot for Ever

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PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

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MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha

MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

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Hay Baby ;) Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions

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Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

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Love affairs:Something like cricket,where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test

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Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mothertongue.?Santa: Very long

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In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit? student: Profit in rupees & loss in paise

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Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are...

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If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok, if someone says u r genious slap him as tight as you can n say there is a limit of...

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hey i saw u in TV... how smart u r ... how sweet u r ... how lovely u r ... but i dont know y u r comilg only in animal planet chanel...

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LOng Time Ago.... Only idiots used.... to read my SMS And Today, The history continues...

When words are not enough.... To express your feelings.... Dont think you're in LOVE.... You just need to join... ENGLISH SPEAKING COURSE

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When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another angel!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....

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Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night aftrer sucking ur blood. Thanks.

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A MAN: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. MAN: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all Radio PAKISTAN!

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Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth

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I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!

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Roses r Red Violets r Blue monkey like u should b kept in zoooo dont get angry cuz u will find me there tooooo not in the cage but laughing@uuuuuuuu

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Winter Comes .........Again & Again, Summer Comes .......Again & Again, But The Person Like You.............. Will Not Come Again, Because...

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U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of ur emai id.

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Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of... if u want the latest MERCEDEZ BENZ on very easy installment of ten years with out downpayment and interest then log on to WWW.APNI_AUQAT_MAIN_RAHO.COM

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My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

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A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

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Heart beat are countless, spirits are ageless, dreams r endless, memories are timeless and a friend like u is Useless. Oops! Sorry Yaar, Priceless

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When u feel sad.... To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, "damn I am really so cute" u will overcome your sadness...

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Don't marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.

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If you are in tension, If nothing seems right, If u find no way out, Then just think of me only once, I will be always there to INCREASE your tensions

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Different Phases of a man: After engagement: Superman After Marriage: Gentleman After 10 years: Watchman After 20 years: Doberman

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THIS IS A HISTORICAL MSG READ CAREFULLY..... . In the year 1796 . / . myself . / . u . / my frnds . . ur frnds . ...

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Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen

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once a sardar bought a banaspatee teen and say to the shopkeeper where is my gift ?shopkeeper said why? serdar said there is written colestrol free

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TODAY IS THE INTERNATIONAL DAY OF SMART AND ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE SEND THIS TO SOMEONE WHO FITS THE DESCRIPTION;DONT SEND IT BACK I'VE ALREADY RECIEVED HUNDREDS

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My eyes miss u,my feels love u,my hands needs u,my mind calls u,my heart just 4 u , my live is u,i will die without u, i love u, aisa mery mama mujhay aksar...

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Some One.. Misses You.. Needs You Worries About Yoy Lonely Without U Guess Who? The MONKEY IN ....THE ZOO....

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Ur Ultimate Ur Logicall Ur lovely Ur Unpredictable In shortcut ur ullu

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2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !

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wen a guy tellz u that he luvz u from the bottom of his heart b careful 4 this may mean dat.......!!!!!!........ he has enuf space 4 another girl on the top...

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It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home! Let's Thank... KAAMWALI

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Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U! Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul. An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha? Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

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Friendship is not a game to play, It is not a word to say, It doesn't start on March and ends on May, It is tomorrow, yesterday, today and everyday.

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Height of Challenge: a guy left whole answer sheet blank in an exam....&wrote this on the last Page: "agar apnay bap ki Aulad hey to pass kar ke dekha "

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Talking once with a genius is equal to the knowledge of reading books for one month' is a Chinese proverb. So, feel free to contact me any time. Good Morning

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to cheer up just go to the mirror and say'' damn i m so cute'' u will overcome ur sadness. but dont make this habbit coz liars go to hell

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i love u i love u i love u i love u dont get excited i also love v,w,x,y,z

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3+3=8kasay hua??? bataooobataooo bataooothora sa brain use karoo........nahi maloom..now stop using ur mind.main bataoon.."GALTI SE"

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Maine kaha "Dil Ruba"Usne kaha balance bhijwaMaine kaha "Paise Nahi"Usne kaha "Kaise nahi"Maine kaha "Mehangai Hai"Usne kaha "Ja aaj se tu mera bhai ha

Funny Saying

Funny Saying

☻Lights on, door open, nobody at home

☻As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

☻He's as bent as a butchers hook

☻He's as happy as a Pig in $hit

☻About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

☻About as subtle as a flying brick

☻She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum



☻She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

☻As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

☻She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

☻About as interesting as watching paint dry

☻Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard

☻I've seen better hands on a clock

☻As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

☻He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

☻She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

☻As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

☻She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

☻She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

☻She's as fit as a butchers dog

☻She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

☻As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

☻His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

☻Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

☻As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

☻As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

☻This guy is all foam, no beer.

☻As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

☻About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

☻A legend in his own mind...

☻He's an expert on padded cells.

☻He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!

Chak De India!

Funny Phrases

Funny Phrases

☻As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

☻She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

☻She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

☻About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

☻He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

☻She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

☻She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!



☻He's tighter than a photo finish.

☻He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt

☻He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

☻He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

☻He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

☻Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

☻As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

☻It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

☻She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

☻You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

☻She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

☻As rare as a Blonde virgin

☻I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

☻He's as camp as a row of tents

☻I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

☻They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

☻As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

☻You could park a bike on that bum

☻He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

☻He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

☻Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

☻About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

☻They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump

Chak De India!

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.

☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

☻ My Reality Check bounced.

☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1

☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!

☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra

☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?

A: One has a real live culture.

☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.

☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

Chak De India!

Jokes : Santa Banta Jokes

Santa Banta Jokes

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Santa talking on cell.Banta: kis se baat kar raho ho. Santa: biwi se..... Banta: itne... pyar se....? Santa: tumhari hai. . .!!!

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Sardar's Son - Papa jaldi-2 mera viya kra deo nahi ta main DAADI nal viya kra lavanga. Sardar:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.! Son:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea..

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Sardar was travling in train, A woman sat on his son's berth & didn't getup... Sardar shouted:"THIS LADY IS NOT GIVING BIRTH TO MY CHILD !"

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Santa goes to hotel & orders Omlette.. Waiter :french or spanish ? Santa: jera marji le aa,Main kehra galan karniya ne...

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Santa Singh sends sms to all his friends..."My cell no. has changed.. earlier it was Nokia 1100 .. now it is Nokia 6600"

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NASA ne 3sardar chaand pe bheje.Rocket uda,magar aadhe raste se vapas! Jab sardaro ko pucha gaya,toh unhone kaha:'AAJ AMAWAS HAi,CHAAND TO HOGA Hi NAHi NA'!!

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Santa-yaar kal main tenu kini waar phone kita par tu nahi chukiya. Banta-kyon chukan, jehda main 30 Rupaiye de ke gaana luwaya hai, ohnu tera peo sunuga. ...

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Santa:Preeto chal honeymoon te chaliye Preeto:main velli nahi,main halle kapde v dhone e,te pande vi manjne e,tusi beeji nu le jao.

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Santa- yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya dun ? Banta- Gold ring de de Santa- koi badi cheez bata Banta- M.R.F ka tyre de de. .

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Santa: oye tera viah ho gaya? Banta: haan.Santa: kuri naal? Banta: oye munde naal v hunda hai kya? Santa: haan, meri behen da hoya si....!

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SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon Gurdware waleyan ne e elan kita hai k gurdware ch 5,10,20,50,100,500,de note nahi chadae jange. . .....KyonKi...GANDHI de sir te rumal nahi hai .

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English teacher: "One cute and young girl is walking on the road." Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence. Sardar student:- "Oye,pataka !"

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A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

Chak De India!

INDIAN KIDS ON HOLI

Chak De India!